Eliminate the negative!

33. Accentuate the positive

"Life without pain has no meaning" - Arthur Schopenhauer

While Schopenhauer may have a valid point, I think it is how a person deals with their pain that defines their personality. Recently, I was made redundant at my place of employment - for the second time! 3 years ago I was made redundant when the TV network I worked at closed down its production department (it was reported on a rival network as being the largest TV production department in Australia). After a brief period, they approached me to come back as their secondary studio director for their live nightly news bulletin (which had been one of my roles when I was in production). Reluctantly, I agreed to venture back into the director's chair, mainly because I am friends with the director and he needed me to cover for him when he was sick or wanted to take holidays. I enjoyed directing the news more than I thought I would, certainly more than I used to back when I was expected to do my normal duties as well as the director's full work load. Trust me when I say that it isn't easy trying to do 16 hours worth of work in an 8 hour day, every day!

So back in May, during a 3 and a half week period where I was directing news (the regular guy was on holiday), I was told that it was likely that a new position was going to be created which would be a full time senior camera operator role which would also incorporate my current job of relief studio director of news. Talking with the head of the news department, she asked about my skills and what I thought of said position, which I expressed interest in. A few days later the new position is announced and advertised, for which I applied. I was amazed at how much the position was written specifically for me as after having worked in TV for over 15 years, I had all the experience required. A couple of days later, one of the regional camera operators came in for an interview for the position and I was surprised that he had as I didn't think he wanted to substantially increase his work load for the same pay he was already getting. I thought nothing else of it and looked forward to having my interview for the position.

The next thing I knew was that the other guy had been given the job and I hadn't even been asked for an interview. To say I was crushed would be an understatement, and the fact that I had a whole week ahead of me directing the news made me physically sick. Clearly, my life had been given more meaning... How could the head of the department not even ask me for an interview? Writing this now, I still feel like I was never really considered for the position which definitely hurts. Needless to say I pushed my self to stay professional and the news went cleanly to air that night. After two sleepless nights filled with depression, I decided to accentuate the positive. I wish I could describe how I went from having zero self worth to a point of joy - maybe I created a pro & con list in my head and just don't remember, but the truth is that I felt like I just decided to do it, initiating an instantaneous change.

I can recall that back when I was in high school, I adopted a "what's the worst that could happen" approach to life, carrying out my actions based on whether or not I could live with the worst case scenario (I can think of a couple of times where the worst case scenario I came up with was so bad that I chose inaction as my course of action). I still have that approach to life but I sometimes forget it, especially when strong negative emotions are involved. When I originally created my list of 40 goals, my father was losing his battle with cancer and every time the phone rang, I was expecting to hear the inevitable news. Far from accentuating the positive, I feared the phone and had to prepare myself to hear the worst every time I answered a phone. Sadly my father passed away just before Easter last year, a week before my sister's wedding. Life was a crazy emotional roller coaster.

It has taken me a while to rediscover how to look on the bright side and see the river lining, and I know I have reconnected with a "what's the worst that could happen" approach to life. With my own son on the way, I hope I can continue to accentuate the positive.

STATUS: 4/40 = 10%